Some mornings, Julius wakes up happy. He wants attention. He wants scratches. He wants to hang out. He whistles, talks, and generally acts like the sweet little feathered member of the family everyone thinks he is.

Today was not one of those mornings.

Today, Julius woke up grumpy. Not “I could use a cup of coffee” grumpy. More like “everything you do personally offends me” grumpy.

Walk too close to him? Problem. Try to pet him? Absolutely not. Don’t pet him? Somehow also a problem. Look at him for too long? You’re clearly starting something. Ignore him? How dare you. There is apparently no correct answer when a cockatoo wakes up on the wrong side of the perch.

And the best part is the attitude. Julius doesn’t just get grumpy. He needs you to know he’s grumpy. The feathers come up. The eyes start watching you a little differently. Every movement carries the subtle warning that today might not be the day to test your relationship.

This is the same bird who will happily demand scratches and attention like his life depends on it. But today? Today we are merely employees in Julius’ house, and our performance reviews are not looking promising.

So we’re giving His Majesty a little space to work through whatever terrible injustice has befallen him. Maybe he didn’t sleep well. Maybe breakfast wasn’t up to his standards. Maybe the sun came up wrong. Maybe he’s just a cockatoo.

Whatever the reason, Julius has spoken: Management is unhappy.

Please govern yourselves accordingly.